Fearless and Fearful Meet Head On

After listening to how the staff was feeling after having addressed several challenges, the word Fearless came to mind as an encouraging title for the painting I would be doing for my church.  Yet as I looked at the blank wall where my art would eventually hang, I had no vision. Nothing!  I did however know that the preference for the painting was to have camel (light rust to me) as the predominant color.

Despite God telling me to “Just paint,” I had not been obedient to His directive. I had not been painting for some time because of fear of failure, feelings of inadequacy, and a plethora of other reasons. Did I mention "fear"!  While I kept hearing His command, I kept resisting.  Unfortunately, God meeting my requirements is not a requirement for obedience to God, or so I’ve been told.

Originally when I offered to provide artwork for the new building, I had planned to offer up something I’d already completed.  My church contact for the painting said he was excited to see what the Lord would have me paint. So, I knew that God was telling me for the umpteenth time that I was supposed to paint.

For a painting that I was to call Fearless, the overriding emotion was FEAR!  I kept waiting for inspiration, yet nothing.  The first several steps were completed, procuring the steel and having it cut.  I had delayed long enough due to, you guessed it, fear.  The day I decided that I needed to listen to the Lord and pick up the paintbrush I still had no real inspiration or vision.  I did, however, have a scripture verse, 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self-control.”

My husband, attempting to help, showed me something that he liked online that I could change and make my own. Other paintings or photos have not been my source of inspiration. Yet, I picked up the paint brush and made several initial strokes that looked awful.  I feverishly grabbed a roller and more paint and water and removed any trace of those initial strokes or anything resembling that photo.  As I worked, I watched how the rust was creating beautiful patterns and turning the perfect color.  Indeed, all I needed to do was just paint!

The painting was coming along beautifully.  God was doing his thing, and I felt the joy of co-creating with Him again.  Then fear struck again.  It needed something. But, what exactly?  Perhaps I should just leave it alone because I feared messing up a good thing.

On Sunday morning at church there was a reflection of light that looked like a cross on the wall, I interpreted it as a sign to add a cross. 

As I was painting a cross, the idea of adding masonry nails popped into my head.  I asked God if He really wanted me to add masonry nails, to please help me find the masonry nail box from many years ago in the depths of the garage and let there be enough nails. I thought it would be unlikely to find that box even if it still existed. To my surprise the box was exceedingly easy to find and contained just enough nails for the job.

The next stage was the automotive clear coat, an essential stage to protect the artwork. A similar color on a previous painting had absorbed the coating and turned dark and ugly.  Fearing that the beautiful camel color would become dark brown, I told my automotive guy that I desired to keep the color from changing.  He asked that provide several sample steel pieces with the camel color for experimentation.  Yet, I could not repeat the color.  It dawned on me that the entire time I was painting, it was the hottest and most humid part of the summer; so hot, that 2 inch beetles were dropping out of the trees and I was afraid they would land on me as I was working on the art.

Apparently the excessive heat and humidity were important drivers of the camel color.  Therefore, I tried heating the steel samples and using hot water, in order to replicate the conditions that led to the camel color, but in the end just prayed and had the artwork coated. The color did not change during the coating process.

The last steps were framing and photography.  Fear struck again and I was afraid that these large pieces of steel would not survive transportation to be professionally photographed and to be framed. 

All I can say is: Yay God!  Thanks for having me paint while the atmospheric conditions were just right to create great designs and create the perfect color, and have it remain the correct color during the protective coating application.  Thanks for giving me the idea of the cross and providing enough nails in an easily accessible location.  Thanks for protecting the art during transit. Thanks for Your Word.  Thanks for pushing me to obey You.  I am back to experiencing both the joy and desire to co-create with You.

"Fearless" installed at my church

Check out my art here.